[ the archangel can likely tell it’s dextera even before he says a word. there’s no one else who would come to him with this particular brand of contrite and miserable. ]
…you shouldn’t have given me the choice.
[ that, of course, is why dextera feels the meridian lost the oracle. ]
[ The smile he sends is soft and understanding. But there is a feeling of triumph and elation that is mingled in his message. He cannot help it; it's what all of Zenith is drunk on now, anyway. ]
But even so, I will always give you a choice. I promised that I wanted things to be different, and that means letting you think for yourself.
[ Think and fail, because that is all you're capable of doing. ]
[ as it turns out, just like before, thinking for himself feels bad. nothing got resolved and he feels worse than ever. he’s not going to abandon the meridian even so, but he wishes the archangel would just guide him to the correct answer. ]
But…
[ dextera knows it’s insane, to want to have that choice taken away from him again. ]
[ And it is an old familiar feeling of Archangel resting his hand on Dextera's shoulder. It's the feeling of him bringing his mouth close to the other's ear as he speaks. Even with communion, even if it is just the two of them, he desires to give the impression that his words are only for Dextera. ]
maybe he is. he never really wanted this freedom in the first place. even as he clawed and fought his way to attempt to understand himself, it was still no real solution. he never fixed anything back at home; there are only corpses in his wake, and an indeterminable future. weak as he feels now, that phantom touch is as comforting as it is agonizing. ]
[ Yes, Dextera is inherently selfish and never caring about the lives of anyone but himself and those he "loves." ]
But if you desire my console and comfort, I am not against giving it. [ Archangel can't help but send along the sensation of him gently running his fingers through the young man's hair. He hopes it's soothingIand brings a suffocating desire for fear and obedience. ]
I am not so petty as to deny you that, Dextera. I'm not so hateful as to not wish to guide you as I did in the past.
[ it’s pathetic, how much dextera wishes he could actually be there to feel that touch. he’s always hated it. he’s never enjoyed the feeling of the archangel’s hands on him, and yet now, with this preternatural loneliness, he… ]
…
[ he sighs through the connection. he can almost imagine it, like a distant memory. ]
It was easier, wasn't it? Simply descend to the lowest floor of the Neuro Tower and kill God.
[ He doesn't let the feeling of his hand on Dextera leave. Ah, how he truly wishes that they were together. Archangel finds a great sense of peace in being able to touch him once more. Idly, he supposes this is what it means to love someone. ]
Why not join Zenith? I could keep an eye on you... I could look after you there.
[ it was easier. all he had to do was listen, but somehow, he failed even that. he doesn’t know how much the archangel knows—if he remembers dextera’s willful rebellions that quietly reset the world. ]
I…
[ he won’t. he knows that. he refuses to let himself carry the burden of a new world again. ]
I can’t. I’m afraid to abandon the world before I remember who I am.
[ Archangel can't ignore that statement. He's heard something about how time has been warped for people. It warms his heart, as it feels like this world is truly trying to right the wrongs of his own. Perhaps, he could acquire the power of the Absolute God here? Could he bring paradise to this place? ]
[ not much of anything, truthfully, and he’s hesitant to reveal too much.
…or, he would be, but he has no other choice. he’s the one who came to the archangel, and playing coy with him does neither of them any favors. perhaps if he’s honest, something can come of it. ]
I… don’t know. I was told so many different things. I saw myself, hundreds of times… but this is the real me. This is my last chance.
[ he knows he had clones, but not who cloned him. not that it matters anymore. ]
[ Dextera is not accusing him of anything, however. That is surprising. No, even when he learned everything, Archangel was never accused of anything. Why was that? He didn't think that he was granted forgiveness, either. What he wanted from Dextera; he did not receive. But he did not feel hated at that time.
Forgotten? Ignored? What was it?
His mind picks out various answers and none of them are any closer to the truth. It seems like he will not be able to ask that Dextera what he was thinking and why. Why did he leave him there? He was the only person he showed such weakness to, so why?
Ah, well. ]
That is how you view it, then. You are yourself and this is your only life now. [ Well. ] I guess that isn't quite true. You can still be killed and brought back, but you can finally try to get atonement for your sins.
The world was destroyed because of you, and so you want to bring it back. Is that about it? [ Archangel feels like he has rehashed this part with Dextera once before; he feels like he will continue to ask the reason why that world has to be brought back. If he could, he would remake it. But since it sounds like it will just be the same ruined mess as before -- why save it? ]
[ the archangel seems to understand, and dextera is… relieved. after all, he hasn’t yet said anything that would imply cruel judgment of dextera’s decisions, which is not something he is entirely sure he can take at this point. it makes sense to him, the path that he’s chosen.
but, the archangel was right—the path is not necessarily going to be a successful one, and their failure with the oracle has proven that. ]
I know… you don’t agree. But I…
[ in the end, he knows he’s still running away. he chose this because it’s easier than creating a new world. ]
I don’t think I can create the world you want. But if we go back… if we go back, then… it’ll be like it was before.
[ He cannot help but sneer. He will always believe Dextera will create the world he wants, and he hates the idea of going back to that world, if only because he knows how the story will end. Here, the story can end differently.
The only problem is not having the Absolute God's power. ]
You know... I decided to do a test. I would act as I believe was right in that frozen time. I would save as many people as I could and if I was wrong, if Zenith failed, then ... I would admit my way was flawed. [ Is he attributing Zenith's win to his actions? Why, yes, yes he is! ] I was not wrong... the way I am going forward is not wrong.
I am troubled by the fact you continue to tread the same worn and broken path... when will you be satisfied with failure?
[ this is the reason he apologized in the first place. he knew the archangel was right, he knows the archangel is still right, and that’s why it feels so bad to be scolded. then again, he came to the archangel with the knowledge that this is exactly how the conversation would go. ]
I’m sorry. [ simply, softly. ] I don’t know any other way to be. When I learn… maybe I’ll join you.
[Still, he gives the feeling of reaching out to touch his face, patient and attentive. He can't (won't) cover up his anger, but that is because Dextera is the only person he can be honest with. ]
But you did come to me wanting to have my orders, again. Still... there are things that you will not yield on. Perhaps, I should make my commands simple so as not to tread too cruelly on what you hold onto until you learn.
[ A beat. But what order would that be? He can't ask him to betray Cyrus. He can't ask him to kill anyone in Meridian that he feels is a threat to his control over Dextera. Yet he does not want to give up this rare opportunity. ]
Denounce the Absolute God to others. I think that would be enough to start... for if it was not for Her, you would not be suffering as you are now.
[ the archangel doesn’t understand what he’s asking. or, no—he understands it perfectly, which is exactly why he’s giving dextera this request.
dextera, oddly, finds himself relieved with it. the absolute god is everything to him, but not here. she isn’t here, and what she could have offered him isn’t here either. for now, he can comply, and it will make the archangel happy. this is the best compromise that he could have been offered, and gratitude fills the space of their communion. ]
…okay.
[ he’s quiet because that is his nature; it’s not reluctance, as the archangel might have expected. ]
[ it’s more like a dropped-off letter than dextera actually seeking to speak with the archangel. in fact, if the archangel attempts to respond, dextera will shut him out simply because he doesn’t trust himself to stay quiet. in fact, the message itself is written, with the letters fading away from “sight” once the archangel has read them. ]
Stay in Highstorm for the next few days. I’m asking you, so please.
[ For some reason he feels cautious. Paranoia flares up in him, and he is not sure why, but it eats at him enough to not be immediately pleased that Dextera is calling on him. ]
[ dextera holds to ignoring him, somehow, until the knowledge of the meridian invasion into alenroux is made public. then, reluctantly, he allows himself to “answer” the archangel by acknowledging his presence once again. ]
Alenroux will be dangerous for a while. I don’t want you to get hurt there.
[ it’s rare that dextera does something purely out of concern for the archangel, and even rarer that he gets to feel this strange, honest affection. he takes a moment to soak it in. ]
I’ve been trying.
I don’t want to be enemies. That’s what you said before, isn’t it? We’re on different sides, but I don’t want to be against you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
( voice, post-isles )
Date: 2023-01-30 12:48 pm (UTC)…you shouldn’t have given me the choice.
[ that, of course, is why dextera feels the meridian lost the oracle. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-01-31 07:45 am (UTC)[ The smile he sends is soft and understanding. But there is a feeling of triumph and elation that is mingled in his message. He cannot help it; it's what all of Zenith is drunk on now, anyway. ]
But even so, I will always give you a choice. I promised that I wanted things to be different, and that means letting you think for yourself.
[ Think and fail, because that is all you're capable of doing. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-01-31 03:59 pm (UTC)But…
[ dextera knows it’s insane, to want to have that choice taken away from him again. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-02-01 02:06 am (UTC)[ And it is an old familiar feeling of Archangel resting his hand on Dextera's shoulder. It's the feeling of him bringing his mouth close to the other's ear as he speaks. Even with communion, even if it is just the two of them, he desires to give the impression that his words are only for Dextera. ]
Are you unhappy with the freedom I give to you?
no subject
Date: 2023-02-01 07:09 am (UTC)maybe he is. he never really wanted this freedom in the first place. even as he clawed and fought his way to attempt to understand himself, it was still no real solution. he never fixed anything back at home; there are only corpses in his wake, and an indeterminable future. weak as he feels now, that phantom touch is as comforting as it is agonizing. ]
…I know it’s ungrateful.
no subject
Date: 2023-02-02 06:31 am (UTC)[ Yes, Dextera is inherently selfish and never caring about the lives of anyone but himself and those he "loves." ]
But if you desire my console and comfort, I am not against giving it. [ Archangel can't help but send along the sensation of him gently running his fingers through the young man's hair. He hopes it's soothingIand brings a suffocating desire for fear and obedience. ]
I am not so petty as to deny you that, Dextera. I'm not so hateful as to not wish to guide you as I did in the past.
no subject
Date: 2023-02-04 02:38 pm (UTC)…
[ he sighs through the connection. he can almost imagine it, like a distant memory. ]
It’s just like before. I don’t know what to do.
no subject
Date: 2023-02-05 08:26 am (UTC)[ He doesn't let the feeling of his hand on Dextera leave. Ah, how he truly wishes that they were together. Archangel finds a great sense of peace in being able to touch him once more. Idly, he supposes this is what it means to love someone. ]
Why not join Zenith? I could keep an eye on you... I could look after you there.
no subject
Date: 2023-02-08 04:28 pm (UTC)I…
[ he won’t. he knows that. he refuses to let himself carry the burden of a new world again. ]
I can’t. I’m afraid to abandon the world before I remember who I am.
no subject
Date: 2023-02-09 05:50 am (UTC)[ Archangel can't ignore that statement. He's heard something about how time has been warped for people. It warms his heart, as it feels like this world is truly trying to right the wrongs of his own. Perhaps, he could acquire the power of the Absolute God here? Could he bring paradise to this place? ]
What do you know?
no subject
Date: 2023-02-13 03:38 pm (UTC)…or, he would be, but he has no other choice. he’s the one who came to the archangel, and playing coy with him does neither of them any favors. perhaps if he’s honest, something can come of it. ]
I… don’t know. I was told so many different things. I saw myself, hundreds of times… but this is the real me. This is my last chance.
[ he knows he had clones, but not who cloned him. not that it matters anymore. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-02-21 04:21 am (UTC)[ Dextera is not accusing him of anything, however. That is surprising. No, even when he learned everything, Archangel was never accused of anything. Why was that? He didn't think that he was granted forgiveness, either. What he wanted from Dextera; he did not receive. But he did not feel hated at that time.
Forgotten? Ignored? What was it?
His mind picks out various answers and none of them are any closer to the truth. It seems like he will not be able to ask that Dextera what he was thinking and why. Why did he leave him there? He was the only person he showed such weakness to, so why?
Ah, well. ]
That is how you view it, then. You are yourself and this is your only life now. [ Well. ] I guess that isn't quite true. You can still be killed and brought back, but you can finally try to get atonement for your sins.
The world was destroyed because of you, and so you want to bring it back. Is that about it? [ Archangel feels like he has rehashed this part with Dextera once before; he feels like he will continue to ask the reason why that world has to be brought back. If he could, he would remake it. But since it sounds like it will just be the same ruined mess as before -- why save it? ]
no subject
Date: 2023-02-24 01:29 pm (UTC)but, the archangel was right—the path is not necessarily going to be a successful one, and their failure with the oracle has proven that. ]
I know… you don’t agree. But I…
[ in the end, he knows he’s still running away. he chose this because it’s easier than creating a new world. ]
I don’t think I can create the world you want. But if we go back… if we go back, then… it’ll be like it was before.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-03 03:23 am (UTC)[ He cannot help but sneer. He will always believe Dextera will create the world he wants, and he hates the idea of going back to that world, if only because he knows how the story will end. Here, the story can end differently.
The only problem is not having the Absolute God's power. ]
You know... I decided to do a test. I would act as I believe was right in that frozen time. I would save as many people as I could and if I was wrong, if Zenith failed, then ... I would admit my way was flawed. [ Is he attributing Zenith's win to his actions? Why, yes, yes he is! ] I was not wrong... the way I am going forward is not wrong.
I am troubled by the fact you continue to tread the same worn and broken path... when will you be satisfied with failure?
no subject
Date: 2023-03-03 01:55 pm (UTC)…
[ this is the reason he apologized in the first place. he knew the archangel was right, he knows the archangel is still right, and that’s why it feels so bad to be scolded. then again, he came to the archangel with the knowledge that this is exactly how the conversation would go. ]
I’m sorry. [ simply, softly. ] I don’t know any other way to be. When I learn… maybe I’ll join you.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-05 05:37 am (UTC)[Still, he gives the feeling of reaching out to touch his face, patient and attentive. He can't (won't) cover up his anger, but that is because Dextera is the only person he can be honest with. ]
But you did come to me wanting to have my orders, again. Still... there are things that you will not yield on. Perhaps, I should make my commands simple so as not to tread too cruelly on what you hold onto until you learn.
[ A beat. But what order would that be? He can't ask him to betray Cyrus. He can't ask him to kill anyone in Meridian that he feels is a threat to his control over Dextera. Yet he does not want to give up this rare opportunity. ]
Denounce the Absolute God to others. I think that would be enough to start... for if it was not for Her, you would not be suffering as you are now.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-08 02:48 pm (UTC)dextera, oddly, finds himself relieved with it. the absolute god is everything to him, but not here. she isn’t here, and what she could have offered him isn’t here either. for now, he can comply, and it will make the archangel happy. this is the best compromise that he could have been offered, and gratitude fills the space of their communion. ]
…okay.
[ he’s quiet because that is his nature; it’s not reluctance, as the archangel might have expected. ]
I will. I will.
1/2
Date: 2023-03-12 02:58 am (UTC)He isn't sure why. Isn't this what he wanted? It is. So, that's all there is to it, right? Of course, right? ]
no subject
Date: 2023-03-12 02:59 am (UTC)Then, that is all that you need to do for now...
[ Until his failures pile up and he finally decides to join Zenith. ]
( communion )
Date: 2023-03-07 04:04 pm (UTC)Stay in Highstorm for the next few days. I’m asking you, so please.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-12 03:09 am (UTC)Why?
no subject
Date: 2023-03-13 01:18 pm (UTC)Alenroux will be dangerous for a while. I don’t want you to get hurt there.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-14 12:50 am (UTC)You're worried about me? I see... then I will stay here as you wish. Since you've done as I wished, right?
no subject
Date: 2023-03-15 04:11 pm (UTC)I’ve been trying.
I don’t want to be enemies. That’s what you said before, isn’t it? We’re on different sides, but I don’t want to be against you.